How to Deal with Douchebags
Ahhh douches. Gotta love ‘em. It doesn't matter where you're from, you know the douche: he’s better than you. He’s better than everybody. He kicks the most ass, he gets the most ass, he has the most cash and he’s everywhere that’s happening. But you didn't need me to tell you this did you? I'm sure he’s already said it like 50 000 times.
Let’s find out more about this very annoying kind of person
He makes our lives miserable with his constant need
to show off. Demanding attention in conversations, needing to be louder than
everyone else in the room, using unnecessary insults and stupid remarks to get
attention. He’ll go out of his way to impress the girl you’re chasing and try
his level best to paint you out to be the village idiot in her presence. Why on earth does he need to do all this?
Think for a second, a person who is 100% content
and pleased with his life will not need anybody’s validation. Likewise, a
person who is completely and utterly confident, as the douchebag claims to be,
will not need anybody’s validation.
It is perfectly clear however, that the douchebag craves attention, he thrives off of it and spends the majority
of his social life seeking it. He wants you to know he’s got a new car, a new
girlfriend, a new everything because your
approval matters. This right here is the single greatest downfall of the
douche, his reputation, his social standing, everything is in your hands.
You
can make or break this insecure person, because you are not a needy douchebag. You are a man
Men don't need anyone’s
approval. Period.
Now, let me tell you something about the douchebag.
Sure, he’s annoying, he makes people miserable and he kills everyone’s buzz,
but if you get this guy one-on-one, if there’s no one around but you and he,
he’s the nicest guy ever. No wisecracks, no insults, no putdowns, nada. What
does this tell us my good men? The
douchebag is only on an ass when he has an audience.
There are a few methods you could use to cut this
jerk down to size, some are risk-free and others are kinda dangerous, let’s
check these possibilities out:
- Beat his ass. Ok, I admit this isn't the best solution and is in fact quite a cop out. However, if this guy is making your life miserable and you know you can take him, show him who’s boss in a one-one. If he’s notorious for his strength, you may wanna try…
- Laughing with him. That’s right, when he’s taking the piss at you in social gathering, laugh at his insults and punch lines. Tell him how much you enjoyed that last comment about your weight or he entertained you with the crack about your height. Not only will this throw him off-guard and render his insults useless, he'll soon realise how pointless it is insulting you when you aren't the least the least bit insulted.
- Befriend him. How? Catch him one-on-one and have a chilled out discussion with him. The more often you do this, he'll come to see you as a person and not just a target. He’ll be more likely to leave you alone and target some other guy.
- Plan a coup d'etat.You'd be surprised at how many of your friends hate this douchebag as much as you do. You all want to see him go down, but no one is brave enough to act. This is your chance to man up. Talk to your friends or colleagues about this social nemesis and hatch a plan. Freeze him out of the conversation, don't laugh at his jokes, tell him to leave, mock him, whatever it may be, your power to stop him will be multiplied manifold as a group.
No one likes a show off. I know I don’t. He’s no fun
and he ruins the moment with his boring stories and argumentative talk. For the
sake of all men out there, do your duty my good reader, put this unmanly sap in
his place!
You're the real man
-Aaron
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